If you ask me who I would choose, in either my dad or security,I would choose security over my dad. But sometimes i find no difference between both.

At this stage, if you ask me to make a wish, there is only 2 types of wish i could make. And i have to choose one over the other. First Wish: Wish i was an orphan(though tats not quite possible now, but maybe if my parents died,bt i’m not such a terrible person, i want them to live) So, i eliminated it because it was such a bad wish to make and chose wish number 2.  Which is, I wish I will get heart cancer. That way, my wish is no harm to anyone. I even doubt that there’ll be anyone to cry over my dead body. Its dead sad. Sometimes i think, “I dunnoe when I’m gonna get this cancer. So, maybe i should commit suicide.” But i think I’m just scared, that i might in anyway survive.

Okay about my dad for some idea how my life is. My dad is a taxi driver. He prayers very deeply and he takes pride in his work. When he works, no one must disturb him and if anyone helps him, they must do do 2 job at a time. He messes up the place in the name of cleaning and inventing. When he gets angry everyone gets scared(even my dog,which is no more with us). He talks and talks and talks non-stop if he gets angry, okae sorry. I mean he gives advices after advices after advices. The other irritating thing is, if he gets angry and starts to scold(and give advices), after that, he will scold anyone who comes in his way(which means for no reason). He also has some good qualities. He is suprising quite humorous,he is modern(at times), he buys only best quality stuff(which sucks at times, the look of the item i mean). I forget the rest about him.

Most of the time my brother goes out(esp when my dad is home).So, whoo hoo, i get more scolding from my dad.Oh and not only that, i also have get it from my brother(some sort like my dad). If I were to tell everything, tis one post is not enough. Did I also tell tat my dad looks very fierce. Mainly because he doesn’t even smile 3 quater of the time. 

Whenever he talks he says “look at it more logically”. He argues that whatever he says is rite and watever we do or say is wrong. It’s very hard to talk to him. He also chooses everything for me. And i have to accept it no matter how tat ting sucks. 

I dunnoe wad sort of life is tis….but tis isn’t my type of life…  

The only question i seem to ask myself repeatedly without fail is ” Whatever wrong did i ever do to deserve this?”  I don’t know who or what to blame. I know that it is said that no one can be blamed for one’s mistake. But this isn’t mistake.  I hate this, I hate my life. Have you ever felt like you have no say or choice whatsoever in your own life? Well I seem to feel like that all the time. And the only answer i seem to get without fail is “Dad”. People might mistake that something evil has pocessed me. But its my parents, mainly my dad who pocess me. What can i say? Ever since i remember, my dad is the one who has been pocessing me. Which if you add up equals 9yrs. 9yrs of tight security and now i am 14yrs old. If you calculate, eversince i join kindergarden(nt sure of spelling) continuing till now, sec 2.  

God! Its like hell in here. Stuck in a cage waiting waiting for the right time to fly for freedom shining ahead of me.